Fear: what drives you?

I love using social media to get to know people better. What better way to get to know someone than simply ask questions. Some people will share a lot, while some share very little. Every story is important in some capacity. Every person has value. I love the deep questions; the ones that make people think, reach down deep into their core and name that part of them that is being asked.

When were you the most afraid? (An actual time/moment where you experienced actual fear.)

I tried to be specific in the wording: I wanted to hear about a specific point in time that fear overtook you. We all have fears that we can list: the dark, ending up alone, public speaking, dying, certain people, dogs, flying, etc. I wanted an exact period of time where you were afraid, panicked, overcome. These specific answers have shed light on many people.

The responses to my Facebook question were great! Things such as car accidents, childbirth, medical issues, the unknown, house fires, losing a child, cancer, etc. Some of these answers blew me away. Some of these things I have personally experienced and some I pray I never will.

What is my answer? I had to think long and hard about this one. I am a naturally fearful person; I have anxiety problems and have experienced many scary things. Car accident? I have had three; one being a rollover across a lane of traffic into a tree. I am, by all terms, lucky to be alive from that. I had an emergency c-section with our first child and could have lost our second child in my second trimester due to a necessary surgical procedure. By all accounts I am a blessed girl. All of these things have made me realize how blessed I am, but it also evokes fear in my daily life, whether or not I like to admit it. However, none of the moments are the time I was most afraid. They all happened so quickly, maybe I did not have the time to be afraid. I have buried friends from cancer and accidents, but I was never afraid for them. Devastated, yes, but not afraid of losing them forever. So what moment was it for me?

When was I the most afraid? I guess I cannot pinpoint an exact date. I am not even sure I am supposed to be talking about it, for it is not my story to tell. I was a witness to a bad era of time in the life of my sister. Never have I ever physically and emotionally felt such pain, not only for her, but for myself and my family. If you have ever watched someone slowly waste away from their former self, you know the misery involved. I felt like I was losing my sister by the minute. And I was. There was nothing more I could do but pray. Thankfully that time ended. It took a long time. Actually, the healing process continues and maybe it always will, but that fear is almost gone. Like I said, it is not my story to tell. I pray that someday soon she will be able to tell her story, to own it, to use it for good. Maybe she will, maybe she won’t. Either way, she is one special girl and a gigantic piece of my heart. I do not think that I will ever be able to put into words what we all felt watching on the sidelines, so for me, that is my time of uncontrollable fear.

I think I have found that losing control, or never having control in the first place, is the most frightening thing. There are so many things we as humans cannot control, good and bad.

I think that fear drives us. We are trying to steer away from the the things that unnerve us, all while still trying to best the very thing that can undo us. 

Does fear drive you? If so, what can you do about it?


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


%d bloggers like this: