I forgive you. I do.
I do not believe you will accept that forgiveness, but it is there regardless.
Forgiveness is not for you. It is for me. It is for my heart. For my heart to move on. For my hands to metaphorically release your hands from my neck and to also let go of yours. I do not believe we will have a relationship any time soon. Honestly, the friendship we had was never one of love and trust. I enabled you. I listened as you gossiped and slandered others in the hopes that you would like me. I am not better than you. In fact, I am worse. I listened as lies and injustices spewed forth from you and instead of reigning that in, I gave you a safe place for your storm to rage. If I had been more selfless, I would have stood up for those who were not present to defend themselves. I should have been a defender and a protector of those, but I failed them. I should have encouraged you to seek help for your inner demons, but I selfishly thought I could heal your past trauma with a listening ear and an expensive college degree. For that, I failed you, too.
You may not forgive me. I understand that. I backed away and buckled under the pressure of being your friend. It taxed me. It became too hard. I should have gotten you help, but I chose to ignore the problems. In doing that, I ignored the real you.
You need help. You do not want help, but you need help. That is now on you. I hope you find the help you need and surround yourself with people who can and will help you. Forgive me, because I cannot be one of those people.
I forgive you.
I forgive you for lying to me and about me. I forgive you for shouting at me in your hurt. I forgive you for deflecting your pain and anger. I forgive you. I truly do.
I forgive you.