Breaking up is hard to do…

Ok, so maybe Neil Sedaka is a little extreme, but when a friendship is on the verge, it can be heartbreaking! (Sidenote, it is so interesting to me how different the dynamics between male and female friendships are. Dudes are totally chill and can maintain friendships without trying. Women on the other hand…well. This post is for the women!)

Women treat friendships like something valuable. (Of course friendships are valuable to men, but they go about it in a completely different way.) Women tend to be more nurturing and emotional in their relationships; they share vulnerabilities and are usually on a more intimate (familiar) level. So…how do know your friendship is on the verge of ending? Maybe it has already crashed and burned! The sad part is, most times friendships end without a colossal argument and/or fight and you are left wondering: what in the world happened?

1. You really do not know what is going on in each other’s lives. How has she been in the past few weeks? With social media being so rampant in today’s world, maybe you know she has had a cold or maybe the calendar shows that her birthday is coming up, but the mailman knows that, too. You just are not up to date with each other’s lives anymore. Does that bother you?

2. Making plans with each other do not come to fruition. Meaning, you say you will make time for each other to grab coffee or catch a movie. However, the plans never pan out. Maybe someone forgets to show up or maybe the plans were never made in the first place. I am not saying that people are not busy every day, because today’s society is the most fast paced it has ever been; I am saying that they can make time for everyone else, every other friend, but not you. Even if they just take the time to send a text or drop a birthday card in the mail, they take the time to make an effort. If they do not even try, and maybe they are too nice to come outright and say it to your face, but, “they’re just not that into you.” You get the point. Are you thinking, “dang, that just sounds like too much work.” Well, if a friendship is considered “work,” then maybe there is a problem.

3. Awkward. I do not believe that every single second has to be filled with vivid conversation, in fact, sometimes sitting in the silence is just fine. However, when it is full of awkward pauses and nothing comes to mind to fill in those gaps, that is a warning sign that something has happened.

4. When something great or even something terrible happens, she is not on your list to call. That goes both ways. If you had to find out via social media or through the metaphorical grapevine that she was pregnant, or getting married, or that her sibling died, that is probably the sign you have been looking for.

If any of these signs apply to you, that does not mean that it is too late. If you both want to fix whatever happened or really try to do better, I believe it is possible. Friendship is a two way street, however, most of the time in a dying relationship, only one is on the road.

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